What Does Jesus Say About Divorce?

Question: If after legal separation there was no change in my spouse, does God recognize this as an acceptable reason to terminate the marriage? I tend to think that if there is no change then it should be acceptable to leave the marriage.

Answer: The Bible does not say that it is right for us to leave our spouse for any reason. It does tell us to be at peace if they leave us through adultery or desertion. God says this not to trap us, but to help us to see the importance of marriage and the great pain that comes when a marriage is broken.

God wants us to grow in our relationships, and He wants to grow us even through painful relationships. In cases such as you're speaking of here, the most important thing to do is for the couple to get into counselling together. It is not enough for one spouse to go, both must go. This is a problem that can't be dealt with alone, but where we need the help of others. There is nothing wrong with getting help, by the way... God has built us to need other people.

You need someone outside of the situation (a good Christian counsellor) to give you a hand to help to lift you out of the quicksand. But you will need to both trust this counsellor to help you, knowing that they have your best interests at heart.

As I said earlier, the Bible does allow divorce when the other person leaves us through adultery or desertion. Actually, in those cases they have left us rather than us leaving them.
There is a third condition which I feel a need to talk about, that of physical abuse. Although the Bible does not tell you to divorce if this is the case, my advice would STRONGLY be to separate from your spouse for your protection. It is not God’s will for you to allow your spouse (or anyone else) to continue to physically abuse you. Hopefully, that separation will be the wake up call that causes them to get counselling to rid their lives of this terrible sin. If this is the situation, please get in touch with our lay counselling ministry and let us help you.

Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?" "Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator ´made them male and female,´ and said, ´For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh´? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." "Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?" Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery." Matthew 19:3-9

Have A Great Week!

Ian